“You really should give more advice”.
I was having a chat with my mother the other day when she dropped these words. I asked her why she thought that, and she responded, “believe it or not, a lot of people look up to you”.
Yikes! do they? Who are those people? Lil’ old me who is just trying to navigate this life?
Those were my first thoughts. Her words made me uncomfortable because, to be honest, I could do without the unnecessary pressure.
“Well mum I don’t like receiving unsolicited advice so I don’t see why I should dish it out”.
That was my response and that’s my honest truth. Having grown up in a close-knit Ghanaian family I was never short of well-meaning relatives who were always ready with a smile and a heap of advice I didn’t ask for.
“Madeline you need to watch your weight”.
“Madeline, you work for a great company. Maybe you should stay a few more years.”
“Madeline, never withhold sex from your husband”.
“Madeline don’t leave it too long to have children”.
There is advice waiting for me in literally every corner I turn, and I know how it makes me feel. This has made me wary of landing my opinion on other people unprovoked.
Anyway, back to my phone conversation with my mum. We both said our goodbyes and fast forward a few hours later, my sister who was in Amsterdam at the time also called. “Madeline I called mummy for her opinion and she just shouted at me, so now I’m asking you: should I buy this bag for €1500?”. At first, I was taken aback by the price tag. I mean, who the hell buys a handbag for that much???
But, after a few deep breaths, I asked some questions, which led to me advising her to go for the bag. I left her after offering a few tips on how to make the very most of her new purchase.
“Thanks, Madeline, you give the best advice!”, were her parting words before we said our farewells. In the space of a few hours, two of my closest family members had taught me why I should trust myself more.
I applied for my first social media role (got sent the vacancy through Twitter). I have never professionally worked in SM.
— Suburban Princess (@RianaRiya) March 21, 2020
I got told that my application was perfect, I was just a bit too late as they were already interviewing people.
Lesson:
Confidence is key.
Trust yourself more, sis!
What happened in the space of an afternoon didn’t mean I was ready to start dishing out unsolicited advice. But it demonstrated the fact that people around me believed in me and yet I didn’t. That’s very sad. I am a thirty-something married woman and yet I still sometimes struggle with hesitation, second thoughts, self-doubt and uncertainty. In the moments following my conversation with my sister, I wrestled with it but decided I would trust myself more, not just with the small decisions, but with the big ones too. I am a praying woman and someone who has had a lot of life experiences. It’s time to trust myself more.
It’s also time to trust yourself more, sis. Trust yourself when it comes to making decisions for your life. Advice is always good and can help us to firm up our decisions or look for an alternative, however, you shouldn’t always wait for other people to give you the go-ahead before you make a move.
We are living in interesting times and making that big decision couldn’t have been more important. Are you going to send that email or not? Are you going to start that YouTube channel, or shoot your shot? You tell me!
Let me know when trusting in your own sauce paid off big time.
