Hello readers!
Today’s book review is from an author I have been following on socials for a while. In fact, her Instagram feed is amongst my favourite! I first discovered Candice Brathwaite a few years back. It was during an Instagram live she did with another favourite social media person, Chanel Ambrose. As the two spoke on all things pertaining to Black British womanhood, I couldn’t help but be entranced by Candice’s luminous dark skin, full lips coated in red paint and her wide smile. I went on her feed and quickly decided that she, along with her beautiful kids and husband, was the Black British representation I needed.
Since then, seeing images of her translate from the Instagram feed to the small screen (Sainsbury’s Tu advert, and The Lorraine show) has felt like a personal triumph for me, and I am sure many other dark-skinned black women. So when I was finally able to sit down with her debut book, I am Not Your Baby Mother, it felt like my Candice Brathwaite admiration train had finally come full circle
What is a Baby Mother?
The book begins with a look at the etymology of the term baby mother. Candice describes a baby mother as one of the lowliest in Black British society. It’s a term usually used to berate black women. Like any good researcher, she gives us the Oxford Dictionary definition: Baby Mother: noun (beɪ bi ˈmʌð ər). The mother of one or more of man’s children who is not his wife or current partner.
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The term originates from the 1960s and is a compound of the two words ‘baby + mother’, following the term Baby Father, from Caribbean English. The connotations associated with the term is desperately negative, and also strongly tied to the black community. So with that, Candice uses the rest of I am Not Your Baby Mother to explore the nuances and layers that come with Black motherhood in all its forms whilst memorialising her own experiences of motherhood.
I Am Not Your Baby Mother, what’s it about?
It’s quite hard to pigeon-hole this book. However, I would describe it as a manifesto-cum-memoir of sorts (although for some reason throughout the book, Candice deems it important to remind us that it’s not a memoir – I’m telling you, it is. Lol). It’s a word of encouragement (and sometimes caution) to black women, and an educational tool for everyone else. Chapters include The Bluest Line, Black Girls Don’t Cry and Young, Gifted and Stabbed. She includes memories of her first pregnancy, her very traumatic (and near-death) experience at the hands of the NHS*, and her reasons for moving outside of London. She weaves these stories with real-life statistics pertaining to black motherhood and family life in general.
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One stand-out scenario for me is her retelling of the lengths she went to get a £1000 Bugaboo stroller. In the world of baby accessories, these machines are the Range Rovers of prams. Candice reflects on how with stubborn determination, (and much to the bewilderment of her partner, Bodé), she finally tracked a second-hand version on Gumtree before travelling to an affluent area of South London to collect it. (The exchange between her and the seller is an interesting scenario in itself!)
The tone of the book is deeply emotional and sometimes shocking, and the fact that I got to listen to it in Candice’s own voice made it even more personal. If you follow Candice on Instagram, then you’ll easily recognise her long and meticulously written captions. She brings this same style of storytelling and word craftsmanship to I Am Not Your Baby Mother.
By the end of the book, you’d want to celebrate black motherhood, and yes ‘baby mother’ ceases to be a term used to berate black women.
My Opinion
I feel like I say this about almost every book, but I really did enjoy I Am Not Your Baby Mother. I think I enjoy books which express the writer’s personal experiences, especially when it’s a black woman.
What I appreciate the most is Candice’s honesty. One peep at her Instagram profile will have you marvelling at her picture-perfect family, bright red lipstick and beautifully upholstered home. But I am Not Your Baby Mother will tell you that behind the attractive aesthetics is a history of a broken home, a young girl who had to bid childhood farewell before she was ready to, a small period of poverty and many other less than desirable circumstances. However, these difficult circumstances were her stepping stones to success.
Having said that, there were some parts of her memoir which grated on me a little bit, however, this is less to do with the quality of Candice’s storytelling and more to do with having slightly different opinions on a few of the issues raised. (Honestly, I still don’t get the obsession with the Bugaboo pram.)
I hope you will give I Am Not Your Baby Mother a chance and if you have already read it, please leave your review below in one or two sentences.
*The UK’s National Health Service